Never Have I Ever

Never have I ever chosen someone

Yet the skies paint a different hue

Every day and night from a view of the one

All these buckets of emotions; each day is something new

Spinning the unpredictable; I can't tame this storm

Never have I ever sailed on a ship

Yet here I am, tightly grasping onto my strings of life

Bending and breaking along our road trip

Tears for a smile, a heart bleeding from a knife 

All this is for his and my destiny; anything to intertwine; doesn't let go

Never have I ever been shattered and broken

Yet I stand still, frozen by the fear that's corrupted me

The words of pain and hatred; sharpen like thousands of needles; spoken

Every kiss becomes a scar; every beat of my heart becomes a stitch; remains to be

I've fallen and can't get up from the shadows that push me far below the surface

A thousand times I say I'll never do this

Yet my heart betrays me

Is this my own will telling me otherwise?

Has my destiny been written?

A thousand times I say I'll do something

Yet my heart betrays me; again

Is there something I don't know about myself?

What obstacle is preventing me from walking through the glass?

A thousand times I cry, beg, and plead

Yet my face continues to smile
Everything is not alright; or is it?

Maybe I have to ask myself again

One, two, three times

My reflection is still there

I'm sad, but I'm also happy

I'm broken, but I'm also daydreaming

I don't see him, yet I do

I see darkness and  light

What is this contradictory?

Checking as many times as I need to